A point walks into A bar. $\bar{A}$ says, “We’re closed.”
$e^{x}$ is walking down the street when it sees $\pi$ running towards him. “Help!”, $\pi$ shouts, There’s a differential operator coming my way, and if it catches me, I’ll be reduced to nothing! $e^{x}$ confidently says “Stand beside me, $\pi$! Together, we’ll be safe from any differential operators we come across!” Suddenly, the differential operator appears and asks “Who are you?” They respond “We are $\pi e^{x}$. Who are you?” It smiles and says “$\frac{\partial}{\partial{y}}$”.

Q: What Thanksgiving treat can you make by dividing the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi!
Q: What does the “B” in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for?
A: Benoit B. Mandelbrot
Q: What is an anagram of “Banach-Tarski”?
A: Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski

Paul Erdos once said that mathematicians are machines that turn coffee into theorems. By duality, we have that comathematicians are comachines that turn cotheorems into ffee.

A mathematician calls over a clerk in the produce aisle. “Pardon me sir, but I think this mislabeled. A coconut is just a nut.”

If Wedderburn says it’s obvious, everybody in the room has seen it ten minutes ago. If Bohnenblust says it’s obvious, it’s obvious. If Bochner says it’s obvious, you can figure it out in half an hour. If von Neumann says it’s obvious, you can prove it in three months if you are a genius. If Lefschetz says it’s obvious, it’s wrong.

Our computer science professor was joking that our student cafeteria serves Fibonacci soup. The soup of today is the mix of yesterday’s soup and the day before.

Computational results are believed by no one, except for the person who wrote the code. Experimental results are believed by everyone, except for the person who ran the experiment.

Theory is when you know everything but nothing works. Practice is when everything works but no one knows why. In our lab, theory and practice are combined: nothing works and nobody knows why.

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